Gratitude

Two days until departure.

The emotional rollercoaster continues. I don’t know how to describe it. Some of this is so hard to grasp that there’s almost no point in trying. In my mind, I classify it like leaving for college. I remember making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone, not completely knowing who I would be when I came back. Back then, I was determined not to change and now I’m welcoming the transition.

The biggest difference: this journey is with my heart, not my head.

It boggles my mind how many people have come up to me and said, “This is perfect for you.” The words always catch in my chest, and part of me is speechless. Not just because I was somehow able to manifest this dream, but because so many people see that in the deepest recesses of my soul, this is what I have been longing to do. 

I was telling my mom the other day that it has felt like a journey to the journey. For the last three months I’ve been meeting with so many people who have helped to make this trip possible. Even before I knew exactly where I wanted to go, or how I was going to do what I want to do, it was everyone’s enthusiasm that reminded me of the goal and helped me persist.

Words cannot express my gratitude to everyone. I have never felt so supported and loved in my entire life. It is all of you who I want to tell these stories to and share my journey with. 

I don’t know what these next few months will bring. Last night I was so anxious I felt like I could feel my blood surging through my body. It could have been my blood pressure going up because of the numerous pretzel cheese sandwiches I ate (we were out of animal crackers Whit)… but more likely it is this anticipation that keeps curdling in my stomach.

I don’t know if I will write again before I leave on Sunday. I love writing on the plane, and chances are I’ll have some thoughts to put down. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done (yes, harder than the marathon) but I am so thankful that I am able to do it.

To everyone I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to, please know that I am thinking about you and taking you with me. To everyone who is holding me in their thoughts: I couldn’t do this without you.

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes. - Kahlil Gibran